#Ghost #AreYouReadyForAlexei #BostonUnderworld3 #Mafia #Romance#DarkRead #AZavarelli @AshZav
GHOST by A. Zavarelli
Are you ready for Alexei?
I live by a code. The Vory code.
In this mafia world, there are traditions.
Expectations.
She does not care for these things. She does not care about anything.
She thinks she has me fooled with her haunted eyes.
What she can’t know is that I see her better than most.
She wants to fly.
But I’m going to clip her wings.
And make her my wife.
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I expect him to leave me when he’s done with me.
Because Alexei has his own issues. He tells me he won’t love me. And I believe him. He will always keep me at arm’s length.
Fucking me and loving me are two different things.
He loved Katya. And now he will never want to love anyone else again. Because she poisoned him somehow. And I can’t fix him, just as he can’t fix me.
We really are alike.
I watch him as he rifles through my closet. Through the racks of designer clothing that I haven’t so much as touched. He’s wearing nothing but his trousers, his back muscles stretching and expanding with every movement. His tattoos on full display.
Sometimes, I don’t think they suit his personality.
I know he probably scares most. That is his intention. But I know the real Alexei. The recluse who remains in his home and plays chess and sits at his computer most of the day. The one who is quiet and reserved and honest.
He doesn’t need to put on a show to be a threat. His body is strong, but I have no doubt it is his mind that is his most dangerous weapon of all.
He returns to me with a simple black sheath dress and holds it against my pale skin before nodding his approval.
“Black suits you.”
He helps me to dress. The way he often takes care of me. I wonder why he does it. He knows I am capable. But here he is, dressing me. Stitching my wounds when I bleed. Showering me. Bringing me in from the cold.
They are little things. But nobody has ever done these things for me.
I can’t look away from him, but I know that I need to. So when he retrieves a brush and starts in on my hair, I take it from his hands.
“I can do it myself.”
He nods but doesn’t leave.
Only once I am finished, do I learn his motives for lingering.
“There is something I need you to do.”
“Okay.”
I turn and face him, and his eyes meet mine. Sometimes, I still forget that he can’t hear me. That I need to face him when I speak. But he just pretends, the way he does with everyone else.
“You won’t like it,” he tells me.
“Tell me what it is.”
“You need to speak to Mack.”
“No.”
My chest is tight. And there is pressure behind my eyes. Just the mention of her name brings an enormous wave of shame and guilt over me. She can’t ever see me like this. She won’t understand. And I will only disappoint her all over again.
“She was married today,” he tells me. “Consider it a wedding gift. Some peace of mind for a friend who is loyal to you.”
“I know she is loyal,” I snap at him. “Don’t act like you know our relationship. Like you know anything about me, or her for that matter.”
“I know enough,” he tells me. “She did come to me, after all. She is the reason you are here now. Away from Arman.”
I turn away, because I don’t want him to bear witness to the tears that are now spilling down my cheeks. But I know he knows they are there. He doesn’t attempt to give me false comfort. Or come near me. Which I respect.
I know what I’m doing isn’t fair. I know it’s selfish.
But Mack won’t be able to accept this. Accept what I’ve become.
She’ll try to fix me.
Just like she’s always done.
I was bad then, but now… the damage is irreparable.
I pace towards the window and tap on the bulletproof glass, gathering my thoughts. I know what I need to do. I know what the right thing is. But it doesn’t make it any easier.
I turn and find Alexei, waiting for me to finish doing battle inside of my head.
“I’m not going back to Boston.”
“You aren’t,” he agrees. “You are my wife now, solnyshko. Which means I am responsible for your safety. And I will never ask you to do anything that puts you in harm’s way.”
His tone is low and serious. As if protecting me is more important to him than anything else. But it doesn’t make sense. For a man who considers himself incapable of love. For the husband who is married to me in name only.
“Why?” I ask him. “Why does it mean so much to you?”
“Because you are my wife. And that is what husbands must do. They should put family above all else.”
I tilt my head to the side and examine him, another piece of the puzzle that is Alexei falling into place.
“You mean the way that your father didn’t?”
He blinks, startled by my response. And in that instant, I know I’m exactly right.
“Do not speak of things that you don’t understand,” he tells me.
“And never mention my father again.”
“So it’s okay for you to push me into things that make me uncomfortable, but not the other way around? That seems fair.”
“Life isn’t fair, solnyshko,” he answers. “You know this better than anyone.”
The room goes silent as we face off. My husband and I. This man that I’m only beginning to know. And yet, he reads me like no other. Perhaps it works both ways. Perhaps the damaged like us have a way of spotting that same wound in another.
And right now, I want to poke at his. To avoid the topic at hand.
“I don’t even know who my father was,” I volunteer. “None of us did. They were all different, but the same. Absent.”
“I’m not going to discuss this with you,” he answers tersely. “No matter what you volunteer. You forget these are things I already know about you.”
“I haven’t forgotten,” I tell him. “But there’s a difference between me telling you, and you reading it from a file.”
“It makes no difference to me.”
His words burn me, but I don’t show it. I never show anyone they have the power to hurt me anymore.
“Why do you accept it so easily?” he asks, stalking closer to me.
“Why do you not put up a fight when a man you don’t even know tells you that you will be married? And you will live here in this house, with a stranger. And yet, you cannot even bring yourself to speak with the one person who knows you best?”
“Because she doesn’t know me best,” I answer quietly. “She doesn’t know me at all.”
***Release Date: August 27, 2016***
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